15 - Intergenerational Trauma Honesty—with guest Alicia Simmons Miracle, comedian

In this episode, we interview comedian Alicia Simmons Miracle about her and her family's trauma and how she processes through her stand-up comedy. Alicia Simmons Miracle was born in Newark, New Jersey. She is a Groundlings Sunday Company Alumni, she has been featured on stage at the Actors' Gang in Tim Robbins Break The Whip. Alicia has done stand-up comedy at The Laugh Factory, The Comedy Store, California's Funniest Female, and Jamie Foxx's Laugh a Palooza.

00:00 Anne and Alison catch up

22:15 Excerpt from Alicia's performance recorded live at Ladiesroom Comedy Fest

25:27 Interview with Alicia

Follow Alicia's comedy on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AliciaSMiracleComedian33/

Theme music is "One Cloud is Lonely by Próxima Parada.
Audio mastering by Josh Collins.

Show Notes:

Introduction:

• Outsiders Podcast - about homelessness
• Gregory Boyle
• Peace and Justice Memorial in Montgomery, AL
• My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem
• A Little Bit Culty interview with Nadia Bolz-Weber
• Invisibilia - Vermont reparations episode
• States fucking rights! WTF. For the last time, the American Civil War was not about states’ rights, QZ.com article

Interview:

• Alicia's performance recorded live at Ladiesroom Comedy Fest:

Transcript

Alison Cebulla 0:07
Welcome to I didn't say all right this time. Well, another episode of latchkey urchins

Anne Sherry 0:19
and friends really want to do that differently. I'm gonna practice that. Okay, practice my

Alison Cebulla 0:26
shower.

Anne Sherry 0:27
All right. Yeah, I really appreciate you centering us Allison before we got on Can y'all tell how centered we

Alison Cebulla 0:32
are you got centered

Anne Sherry 0:33
we took some deep breaths and then my body my breath and my whole system was like you just drink a gallon of coffee Go fuck yourself breath okay, you might use your hose in this intro, actually.

Alison Cebulla 0:49
Okay, but you you got your coffee at Starbucks this morning. And so, we love to talk about or she says Ah, okay, okay, um, but in in California, all the bathrooms at Starbucks or they've closed them off to the public. This is not the case in North Carolina. You guys still have bathrooms? They're

Anne Sherry 1:09
still bathrooms I believe I don't I don't go downtown much. But I mean everywhere you're gonna see I still we've had this on the episode. cities need to have bathrooms available. Yes. Like in not instant stop relying on stores even you know just put the fucking money invest in it there like self cleaning toilets and stuff like yeah, just provide some Berlanti to

Alison Cebulla 1:36
the flock for fuck sake. You're up. They just have they pay someone to sit there and you pay to use the bathroom. I mean,

Anne Sherry 1:45
they had the ones that like the door closes and then oh, yeah, self cleaning or something. I mean, just anyways, we could hear let's just say it. We'll do an episode on how we're able to get our parts to focus.

Alison Cebulla 2:00
But I would love to have like a city planner on here to talk about.

Anne Sherry 2:04
Let's find one.

Alison Cebulla 2:05
I know a cuppa. I know. Okay.

Anne Sherry 2:07
Yeah, yeah, well, Asheville city, just demolished a homeless camp. So that's big news.

Alison Cebulla 2:16
And you listen to outsiders, right. You listen

Anne Sherry 2:18
to it? My God. Yes. Yes. I need to. Yeah, yeah. So that could be certainly. I mean, that's a problem that is just so deep, so complicated, and it's like, could you you know, while while the big, big solutions come into place, could we not make some space for people to be intense when it's fucking cold out? So anyways,

Alison Cebulla 2:50
very complex. We'll do we will. I will. I can't wait to do an episode about homelessness. Because yes, I have had some actually mean But Tyler talked about that a little bit in episode. Yes. So whatever the fuck that was 12. Yeah. Yeah. So check out that one. He's Tyler's amazing. And we got to have him back because then he went to school and got this big scholarship to do work on homelessness, Aces. Amazing, amazing stuff. So he was struggling with addiction and homelessness. And then when he finally got, you know, his life together, then he's giving back to the community, which is just super inspiring.

Anne Sherry 3:27
Yeah. And the person I'm inspired by right now is Gregory Boyle of the industry. Yeah, if you have not if you don't know this person, find out there's a trilogy of books that he has. I can't remember the names of them right now. I read parking. Yeah, just kindness, tenderness. But he got he does the thing where he helps people like heal individually, just this, but he also, Homeboy Industries removes all the structural shit, it provides housing, it provides jobs they don't have, you know, like it's, it's a jobs

Alison Cebulla 4:03
program for ex gang members and felons in LA. I'm serving serving a mostly Latinx population.

Anne Sherry 4:10
Yes. So he's a he's incredible.

Alison Cebulla 4:13
He's incredible. And the presence that he offers his people and the humility and the humor I mean, his books like I always listen to them on audio, you'll laugh you'll cry You know, it's just feel it's just

Anne Sherry 4:27
completely he helps you move into a much bigger emotional range where Yeah, Dizzy like devastated in your heart. And then you are rolling on the floor laughing next. So I think I

Alison Cebulla 4:41
Yeah, 60 minutes. I think it was on 60 minutes like a decade ago. That's how I Yeah.

Anne Sherry 4:46
Now running individuals. Yes. Program. Yeah. Okay. So today,

Alison Cebulla 4:51
yes. Is our guest and our conversation with her I mean, she's The honesty that she brings to her personal story was so inspiring. And I was a little awestruck by it. Like, while we were interviewing her, I was like, wow, this is some truth telling.

Anne Sherry 5:14
Yes. Yes. Felicia Semmens miracle.

Alison Cebulla 5:19
And you and you do. Yeah. Yeah.

Anne Sherry 5:21
She's a comedian. And and I think she she gave us permission to link to some of her comedy material.

Alison Cebulla 5:26
I'm gonna hilarious I get to play a bit between between Are you? Are you good? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. So just, you know, just for all of you, listeners, she does share some intensive, intensive, intense trauma experiences in her family, by name, like, quite bluntly. So if that's something that you don't want to listen to, at this moment, you know, maybe think about it and come back. I don't she doesn't go into detail on anything. So there's no, there's no detailed descriptions of abuse. But she does mention a few incidences that are pretty, pretty intense. So just Just be warned about about that before, before listening?

Anne Sherry 6:08
Yeah, yeah, it was, it was amazing. Just to, you know, see the ways what I loved about it, like we immediately were attracted to each other when I met her, like, instantly, there was something she has very little netic personality does and just I think are a little neglected. kiddos, internally, it just like, hi, hi, hi, you, my friend. Totally, there was just something about I don't know, it was just like we were drawn to each other in that way. And to be able to hear, you know, almost like this Venn diagram of all, neglect and trauma isn't a it's not an Olympic sport. Right. Right. But there are ways it overlaps. And then to see, you know, what we talk a lot about on here is just how structurally the American experience adds like, a huge amounts of additional trauma or conditions where additional trauma just like, plays out. And I feel like we got it was nice to hear some of the ways that we just the way that kids play in the front yard, and they're like, battling with each other. It's like seems like a universal experience of kids beating each other up when they're left alone without adults around and creating bite. I wrote a screenplay like a really interesting little funny, short screenplay short, or something about the ways that they used to broker boxing matches, I think in her front yard.

Alison Cebulla 7:42
So funny. Yeah. So funny. Yeah. Um, but additionally, because Alicia is black. And, you know, we really, I have a lot of reverence for her shares for her vulnerable shares. Because as you're saying, the structural stuff in the US is pretty much bad for all of us. The lack of of family friendly policies, but it's especially the very worst if you are black, African American or indigenous person here in the US, then you're seeing so much more trauma so much more. Violence. Yeah, yeah. Um, so it was a real honor to hear Alisha share her stories and perspectives on our on our trauma podcast, because this is some deep trauma. And for me, like my personal journey of coming to terms with this, this legacy of trauma in the United States took a big a big intense turn when I visited that peace and justice Memorial, the lynching and munching memorial on Montgomery. I've been there twice. If I told you to go I remember I did. Yeah, I went there. And then I went straight to your house to Asheville, and I was like, You guys gotta go.

Anne Sherry 8:59
Right. And then I went with my church. We took a field trip, church field trip there, and then Tom August, and I went, I they didn't go with me the first time. And then I said, you're coming. Yeah. Good. It should be a requirement. Yeah. mandatory that every American visit every white American certainly, but it is important, the way they lay it out the

Alison Cebulla 9:24
It's the history of it, the museum was what I mean, the memorial itself is an amazing piece of art and very odd spiring but then the museum part is like the history that we should have had like that we that definitely was not in our history books about just all the all the the horrors and the dehumanization, on on so many different levels, like sort of like, um, you know, breeding strategies of breeding as though as though they were like livestock. There's records that Jefferson had I had notes like this, but he was like comparing them to breeding horses, pitting pitting different enslaved people against each other so that then there was like class wars between whether you were like in the house or out in the fields, the rapes, you know, the the murders the the part where I'm slave and enslaving people the trade because it became illegal at some point in the early 1800s. But then what happened at that point was, that's when the, quote breeding like really took off in the US that just absolutely horrified me. And hearing all the stories of like, these are human beings who were dehumanized so badly. And this museum has each and every story that I think I cried for, like three straight hours, and it's like, we have to heal this shit in the United States. Well,

Anne Sherry 10:53
100% Yeah, I mean, at least acknowledge that it happened. Do you know is a good place to start?

Alison Cebulla 11:00
That's a good place to start. Yeah. And

Anne Sherry 11:02
I mean, oh, let's talk some about this might just as you start to find out the real history and how duped I think we were in our schools. And yeah, that that is a trauma in and of itself that Reza Metacam explores that

Alison Cebulla 11:19
lots of people that he's the author of my grandmother's hands, and he talks about historical trauma. Yeah,

Anne Sherry 11:25
and ways that you you must process this through the body. So because if it's just this intellectual thing, and it takes a really long time ARC of this level of healing is just takes a long time. So being in community with each other this polarization the way that we're split, like we just it when you it feels like when you come up against this amount of Hara, we just keep moving away from each other and wanting we don't want to own it. So this there's this concept of dirty pain. So it's like they're the bad people, you know, the racist, the overt racist, not able to ever was just talking about this a little bit, a little bit culty you don't want to own it. So you're like, they're the awful people looking over racist? Yes. And then it's kind of like, you know, it needs to come back around to see like, what was the environment you grew up in, if an infant grew up in a, you know, a racist family. And that's all they hear day in and day out, they have no other influences. So that I have this curiosity of how do we make space like Gregory Boyle was talking about? It's not only the gray area, it's how do we step into the grace area? And a lot of that hard work, gotta do your butt and do your own work? How

Alison Cebulla 12:54
our listeners about the like the mic, you did some work with my grandmother's hands free? Through church, right? Can you just describe that a little bit? Um,

Anne Sherry 13:05
it wasn't anything. I mean, I just, I came upon my grandmother's hands, and I just, you know, said, Hey, people at church, let's work through some of these. It was your idea.

Alison Cebulla 13:18
The book I heard about the books, you told me to read?

Anne Sherry 13:22
chemed? Who knows? I don't know, if someone told me. That's it. It caught on like wildfire. Because it started, people started to find a way to be with the very uncomfortable feelings that come up in your body when we are when because we haven't been with people of we tend to grow up in our white communities. Right. So I know, we just met I think we were I was on the racial justice team. And we just started doing I said, Hey, how about we spent 30 minutes of the meeting, just being in our bodies being guided through my grandma's hands exercises, and I've been a body centered psychotherapist, for that was my first training that I ever did before I got the letters after my name. So I've been interested in being in the body. Because it will, you'll have these uncomfortable feelings or no feelings with trauma, right? We're like, ooh, we don't know what to do with it. So we freeze often, or I don't like that person, or I don't want that person in my life. You know, and that's really just your shadow.

Alison Cebulla 14:30
But I mean, for I think I what I'm hearing in your kind of tone is like, you're like, oh, everyone was reading it, but it's like, No, they weren't. So I would like to acknowledge with presence, like this was actually a remarkable thing that you asked your church members to do. Yeah. And so if you're listening, I would also highly recommend that you ask your church, racial equity, you know, group to think about doing some of these embodied. Well, alright, and

Anne Sherry 15:00
Make any group you're in? How about you? Yes, how we often em are like, Oh, you might have a feeling and we have, you know, we have declared, I think, by fact that feelings are gross if you if you grow up the way we grew up, you know, so you got to feel this stuff, you know, you have to feel it. So if you slow down, you're gonna start feeling. Yeah. So you got to have feelings, you got to, I mean, what Rasma was bringing to so this is like, we aren't getting anywhere in our, in our healings because we're not involving our bodies in the right, right, right. Like, let's put this plan in place. Let's change these laws. And yes, I think structural shit needs to change. But if it's just kind of this urgent, oh, my God, we got to change everything right now. If it doesn't come from kind of people that are in their bodies. Yeah, it's both. It's both. Yeah. I know. Feels like you and I are in this guy. I'm like, body hearts. I want the mind. Don't forget, I'm not saying no policy.

Alison Cebulla 16:08
I like the policies. And as Alicia says, in the podcast, I want white people to pay reparations to black people in this country. I want I want the descendants of former enslaved people to get reparations. And I want indigenous people to get reparations.

Anne Sherry 16:24
I hear that and that is 100%. And that is an area that there's all kinds of information and great podcasts on that too. I'm

Alison Cebulla 16:31
gonna change. Oh, which I'm gonna link to an amazing one that I just listened to on invisibility Meow. Oh, yes. The white the white ladies who are hosting invisibility I got out of the way and let shun two women, I think one is is black and one is Asian American, I think. And they are hosting invisibility now. And they did an amazing episode about Vermont and reparations. That is just so good. I'll link to it in the show notes. Okay. There's also one

Anne Sherry 17:00
called reparations, a big payback. We could link to that one as well. Okay, great. Yes. But if you aren't just writing a check. I mean, that's that kind of transactional childhood stuff that we said, Right? People got us to our practice, they paid for this. But there was no heart in it. There was no sacrifice. There was no, like, I it's coming from my heart. You gotta change your you got to change internally around this. It's not like okay, we'll just write them a check. And then we're good. We're good, right? Yeah, the invisibility

Alison Cebulla 17:31
episode really speaks to that. Because someone had written a letter asking white people to make reparations during the early pandemic, by just sending people money in their cash app, or Venmo. And they spoke to that they said, you know, we really want this to feel uncomfortable. You need to give an amount of money that makes you feel uncomfortable. And it was so funny what they discovered because these white people in Vermont have so much money that they're like, Well, shit, man that that amount is like infinite. They're like sub a couple ended up giving like $20,000 and it still didn't hurt them.

Anne Sherry 18:05
Yeah. Completely. Yeah, completely, completely. Yeah, it's very unequal. And you get imprisoned by having too much stuff too much money. We're just not that good. Humans kind of suck. That's sort of what I'm not able to ever was saying. She was like, when people come to her and say, can you believe so? And so did this did that she was like, have you met fucking humans? We're awful. That's why we must have grace. We must have grace, you know? Because we are and you know, she was talking about which I really appreciate not, you need to link to this episode. It's very, very important

Alison Cebulla 18:44
on one of the best podcast episodes of

Anne Sherry 18:47
Yeah, she kind of addresses the canceled culture and that we've got to make room for people to repair or repent or say, Ah, I didn't know and to be doesn't. Anyways, so. Yeah, so that one's a good one, too.

Alison Cebulla 19:06
So, now that we've solved all the problems, Ah, wait, I just want to say this though. Because as we were talking about the peace and justice memorial in my eighth grade history class, my eighth grade US history class, right? This is like the firt one of the first big intros they taught us that the Civil War was fought over states rights lesson that you got to

Anne Sherry 19:33
absolutely probably something even in Spartanburg

Alison Cebulla 19:38
eighth grade in 1998 and 1999 What the actual fuck are you fucking kidding me states rights.

Anne Sherry 19:45
It's it is one of the what do you call it? Myth mythologies, right? That's the myth of it. For sure. Yeah, oh, I'm sure that was taught. That way. I would love to actually. Oh, I'm won't get on eBay. See if I can find some of the history books from 1970. Whatever, and see what my were actually taught. Yeah.

Alison Cebulla 20:10
Okay, so Alyssa, she does use the N word once trigger warning for anyone that cares. And we're so excited for you to hear our episode with Alicia. Yeah, follow

Anne Sherry 20:23
her comedy. She is working so hard at this. And she's so amazing. She was up in New York. She got second place in a comedy festival and she's, she's amazing. She is,

Alison Cebulla 20:34
um, but also please, yes. Please like and subscribe. We forget to say this. And we really do have to like, you I have to explain the algorithm. So people are like, Well, yeah, but I listened on Google. What about that done it up, but go to Apple, because that's where everyone is finding our podcast and listening. So open the Apple app, and click on the stars write a review if you can't even if you just put I love it. Because it really the more ratings that we have on Apple the more that the apple algorithm will show our podcast to potential new list Oh, so it's really really really important. And if you listen on Spotify, then be sure to click the Follow button. Because that's also that also helps the algorithms so thank you we we don't we don't put any money in marketing. So we do rely on this sort of organic marketing so it really is very very very helpful so thank you so much.

Anne Sherry 21:34
Yeah, I always felt like you're mad at me that I don't mark it at all

Alison Cebulla 21:40
that's an episode if you feel like I'm mad at you then then that's a whole episode and

Anne Sherry 21:47
and I take the tact of like Alison I'm old I don't know how to do stuff so yeah it's complicated anyways,

Alison Cebulla 21:58
anyways, process

Anne Sherry 21:59
we'll talk okay all right. Enjoy.

Alison Cebulla 22:03
But you know damn well keep telling you she's being seen on flaws Let's bring her up

Alicia Simmons Miracle 22:24
like you guys so broadly I'm originally from northern New Jersey I live in Panama City Beach Florida. With my family is all good. I made it out. I made it out and now part is open like a strip club.

Sydney Yeah. Yeah, so I got myself a Caucasian Fox News that they're going to take time to grab one. Brad some rare breed bald headed here down his chest. His credit score is lower than mine. Man, you get benefits for being with me. You get street cred. You know, he gets soul food. I like to shake my booty in the kitchen cooking for that man. You get to touch my Afro and it's not racist benefits to get to places on time to pride himself being on time that's like a fucking badge of honor. Maybe it's all my goodies on time. Sometimes I get there so early. People like to help set up it's Yeah, I love taking my husband to black events to right. I took him to his first full black wedding. You know, and the rules party they started stepping coming in into the reception. And my husband acted like he was on safari drive on it was like running there. I have to show this to weddings like oh my god let me bear from my head like people like to move once we jump that room. We like to shake it up for everybody you know, might be meant to COVID to we shut it down. And my husband started off COVID fixing things up from and then like overnight, he walked into Philip Seymour Hoffman from the side where he short shorts, you know from the 70s ladies, thanks your dad and grandfather ultimate where you know we're showing the nuts and stuff. Maybe cooking sausage and the grilled sausage and my husband's wearing those shorts walked around with a fanny pack pills. He wasn't handing out ecstasy or cocaine. He was handing out zinc

Anne Sherry 25:27
hello all we are here today with Alicia Semmens miracle Hi Alicia.

Alison Cebulla 25:35
Hi Alicia. Hi. Hi.

Anne Sherry 25:37
I'm gonna share like the the miracle of how we met but I'm gonna do your bio first that So Alicia Semmens miracle was born in New Newark, New Jersey. She is a ground she's a Groundlings Sunday community sorry company. Alumni is such a crap we could do

Alison Cebulla 25:57
this. No I can believe it. You know, you're graven me. You are so good.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 26:02
And you got it mama.

Anne Sherry 26:04
Felicia has been featured feature on stage at the actors gang and Tim Robbins break the whip Alicia has done stand up comedy at now I can't get below that. We're gonna laugh factory. The Laugh Factory The Comedy Store. California is funniest female and Jamie Foxx is laugh up Palooza and Leisha just let us know that she competed in the ladies room Comedy Festival at the Broadway comedy club out of 48. female comedians Alicia came in sag. Good.

Alison Cebulla 26:41
Yeah, so excited to talk with you today.

Anne Sherry 26:44
salutely. And then Okay, so the little bit how Alicia and I met. Alicia has a husband, Jason miracle is an artist and was doing a show in Asheville, North Carolina, and they booked our Airbnb. And we came to the show to ostensively. See Jason's art, which is wonderful and amazing. It's like wrestlers. And he's so so good. So we'll post a link on his cool. Yeah, we'll put that in the show notes. Yeah. But I zoned in on Alicia was like, I knew you were a comedian, because Jason had texted me that you had gotten to do a set somewhere. And I'm like, I'm like, I aspire maybe someday now that I don't have a trauma response when I talk to shut down and fear. It might happen. So but I was like, meeting she's doing a set and I just zeroed in on you and we loved each other. Right? Like pretty quickly. Yeah. And here she is. Yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 27:43
Yay. Thank you, ladies. Thank you. Thank you. And I like to say Dr. M, because we have another friend name and yeah, that was like, but I'm talking about Zamp. So

Anne Sherry 27:54
Dr. Don't correct people when they're like Dr. Sherry, I'm just like

Alicia Simmons Miracle 28:03
yeah. Bring them all to the yard for them.

Alison Cebulla 28:08
So we always ask everyone, how you relate to latchkey or urchin or friends. You know, like, what was your childhood like? And you know, what was the emotional environment of your childhood? And you know, were you home alone? A lot? No, what was good? What was weird? So, yeah,

Anne Sherry 28:30
any adults around?

Alicia Simmons Miracle 28:32
I'm the youngest of five. Okay. And both my parents worked. So we were like, my, my oldest brother, was he held courts over us? And as older siblings do, they act like merit families.

But yeah. It's the thing is like, I grew up in North New Jersey as you know, okay. And yes, we had our own keys to the house

Anne Sherry 29:05
latchkey

Alicia Simmons Miracle 29:09
Yeah, okay. It is like you knew what time everybody kind of got home. And it was like spaced out with the oldest got home first. Yeah. So they can greet you and if they didn't make it home, it was a system setup. So you can get in and if you got locked out there was a window somewhere you can get in Okay, gotcha, gotcha. That we left crack facts or facts or anything that we only knew how to get in and that was that was part of my childhood. My parents worked. They both worked at a hospital, the biggest hospital in North New Jersey. My mom was a housekeeper. My dad worked maintenance and he my father ended up becoming a maintenance supervisor. And and my mom wanted to go to school for nursing. So they worked a lot and my mother was a Jehovah Witness. Oh, so she she had rules. She can't Yeah, boundaries. Yeah, rules. She had an understanding for us. And And when my father was in school studying, he was home for a period of time. While I was still before I get started school because we're able to afford daycare, so I went to a pre K program. Okay, my dad would be home with a chalkboard to teach me what I needed to know. And once I started school, which I totally appreciate, because it's so fun. I love that as we have a chalkboard in our kitchen. We have chalkboard on a wall and of the roll one out. Yeah. So we had that. And that's cool. Because when his buddies come over, they can chalk up that board and stuff. And we ask them questions and everyday, but that's how my childhood was. It was like, and my parents, they had siblings, but their whole thing was Don't let nobody in the house when they wasn't home. And you can't go outside when they're not home. Yeah, they didn't care if one of their siblings showed up to the front porch. Don't let them in.

Alison Cebulla 31:12
Yep, yep. Yep. Yeah,

Anne Sherry 31:14
I mean, several some of the and they're what the reasonings for it not their thoughts around Y'all not because we talked a bunch. Yeah, while back but like, because there's also these like, kids just roaming neighborhoods was it didn't feel safe, or they didn't maybe your mom didn't want you to just don't

Alicia Simmons Miracle 31:35
know what their sibling might be into. Yeah, we'll enter their home when they're not there to us. Yeah. And protect their belongings, you know, their own safety as well. Because, yeah, you know, somebody a pop up to the door, needing a place to stay. And my parents, my parents were the stable cousins aren't siblings where they always had a house. And sometimes they didn't have a house. Sometimes we had the stay with relatives, as a full family. But their whole thing was, we just don't know what this person is up to why they just pop up and not let us know that they're coming by. Okay. And that wow, that was so

Anne Sherry 32:19
you guys had to manage that. Right? Yeah, like adults, like you like adult family members. You can't come in the house.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 32:28
expecting them. You know, remember when my mother's younger sister pop up at the door? And I was like, why we can't let on daddy. No, that's crazy. And I was I was the youngest. So I always spoke my mind. It was like, I observed everything and spoke up about it. And it was like, shut up. They would tell me to shut up because I was right in front of the person to yes. I mean, like,

Anne Sherry 32:56
he's like, Yeah, listen to Alicia, she's

Alicia Simmons Miracle 33:01
that baby got to a point, you know, mom, like shut up. She came into my office one day, they were all hanging out my dad. And she said you guys could not be smoking in my house. And I was like, why is he smoking a cigarette?

Alison Cebulla 33:20
The logic.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 33:24
My mom's pet peeve was like, Don't tell anybody to shut up. When I went just drops up. It shouldn't be like, shut up. Be quiet. People like to say Be quiet and people don't tell him to shut up. But soon as I say something in front of a relative she's like shop. Yeah.

Anne Sherry 33:47
Know the rules. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 33:50
Right. Right. And that was like, Oh, I learned later on. They were smoking weed. So I was just like, Oh, okay. Okay. That's what they were doing. Telling me that she was like, smoke in my house.

Anne Sherry 34:02
Yeah. Like you had said that being youngest of five. So like, and we started talking about this just how wacky it could be with the high like, Lord of the Flies a bit, you know? Yeah. And like, you have some hilarious stories of like, like creating the I want to hear all the story. Yeah, wrestling matches in front of them. And

Alicia Simmons Miracle 34:28
we were Jehovah's Witnesses. We were we weren't allowed. We knew about all the parties, but we weren't allowed to go. Okay. And in the summertime, we weren't allowed to go outside. But my brothers would set up play dates, which were boxing matches in front of our house. So so it would be like the like the way that they put it was like it wasn't heavy middleweight, or lightweight or anything it was. It was like age groups, they said That up within the age group because everybody has somebody that was their age. Okay. That's how we grew up. Like everybody has somebody that was the whole neighborhood. neighborhood has somebody that was their age and now okay. So my approach creative, yes, this girl Daisy, who has his boy cousins, Reesie and Manzi. They all lived down the street. And I remember these kids days because we did this so much with them. Because it was it was like, if I beat Daisy, there was like, we'll be back tomorrow to prevent that.

Anne Sherry 35:39
What was your like your glory days of boxing in the like, from like, five to 11

Alicia Simmons Miracle 35:47
Yeah, it was kindergarten it was. It was like so you see these little five year old six year old girls boxing each other to somebody's house while these kids around them? Like Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? You know, and then like you because the boys would fight first and the girls we watch this? I don't want to do it too. Yeah. And they like yes, we got a cousin for you. We got a cousin for you. So, so inter

Anne Sherry 36:14
day ways we spent we creatively filled our time's right. Around. Yeah,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 36:20
but we always have somebody looking out for my parents car to turn the corner. Because like, okay, yeah, in the house, and shut it down one time. It was like a surprise dropping on us. And folks, like, my, my dad was like, why was it a bunch of kids in front of the house? And we like, Well, no.

Anne Sherry 36:48
It's learning to lie. How important,

Alison Cebulla 36:50
really, it's really bringing up a lot of trauma and stress for me. For us, it was the TV we weren't allowed to watch TV when our parents room which was a rule because Russia has to know if we watch TV, but so we would put it on, but we had to watch for our parents car because it like they would pull up and they could see it, you know, through the front window. So we had to like write my mom would get home at 530 that TV had to be off at 529. You know, like, Alicia, God.

Anne Sherry 37:22
I love this.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 37:25
We can't watch TV neither. Okay, my dad, it was more about the electric bill. Okay. So if we were watching TV, he would know because the heat, he would know. He would walk in and he was smelling Air Show me like, I'm watching TV. Right now. Nobody was watching TV. I was doing my homework. I was reading that book, you know, behind and fill behind the TV and feel the heat. That watching TV. So we started getting wise to that. Yeah, and know that like, listen, we got the TV. You know, we're in the 80s Okay, the TV got same age. Okay. Yeah. And so the TV has to cool down. So we like alright, and they get home at 535 o'clock. We got to start watching TV,

Alison Cebulla 38:16
you optimize on it? Like,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 38:20
right, right? Could have fan on it. Like, cuz if we get caught up in a cartoon in a GI Joe. And it's real time we were like, oh my god who watching who watched it? Yeah, my dad's thing was let me go ask Alicia. Let me go after No,

Alison Cebulla 38:36
no, no, no.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 38:40
He would have asked me to face watching TV so I never betrayed them on that trail.

Anne Sherry 38:51
Oh my god. And we saw this this kind of winding it in like how do you see the emotional neglect piece? I know there was physical. We talked about lots of trauma and childhood, lots various different childhood in the neighborhood and your family but just like, like just moving into, like adulthood or 20s 30s? Like when did you start seeing like how my childhood was like, Oh, I don't have the skills that other people have in adulthood. Yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 39:22
I saw that with like my eating. Okay. Because my mother passed away. The year that I turned 12. And I started my cycle. I started one nine, I started having my cycle at nine. Oh, and and so just even the simplest things are taking care of that and having pride that all women have a monthly cycle and it happens you know, but just like the neglect of coming from a family where we had dinners together, everybody got enough to eat to where you didn't know when He was going to eat so too much or you went without a meal, you know, and learning that. My mother and father, they were putting on a facade for us when they were living together, but they were young. My mom was like, 16. My father her got together. So the maturity levels wasn't there early, but she mature faster than he did. Okay, so I remember I was telling him about, I remember thinking I had dreamt my father hit my mother with a bat. But it wasn't a dream. It was something that actually happened. But I was so young. That is it formed itself into a memory of like, as a dream. Yep. And just accepting that and even like, to this day, my sister who is two years older than me, she has a daughter, who is my namesake. And I just saw them in New York and they got into a verbal physical altercation. Not not total or outright physical, but when someone touches you, that's physical. You know, my niece grabbed my sister, this your mom, you don't like we have children. I don't want my son as an adult to grab me to correct me and feel like he needs to put his hands on me. And for them to even display that I'm like, is already spilled over into her daughter, you know, like, and I hope that my niece don't have children because I want that negativity to die out with the two of Yeah, because it's, it's it's like, what my sister what I have accepted of our childhood and honest about and what i i view, what I understand what I what I'm forgiven, my sister has completely denied and become angry and defensive. Like, you can't say anything. And I told my niece, I was like, you know, don't let anybody change your mood. And next thing I know, I get a bombardment of text from my sister. Like, I know these fake people. I think Jehovah and I'm like, this woman has never been to the Kingdom Hall. When we was kids that we had to go. She was like, oh, no, I'm not going I got a stomachache. I got my period I got she had every excuse. So now her as an adult, she is not giving her daughter honest view of life. She has given her such a facade of protection and denial, that at some point, it you have to like be honest.

Anne Sherry 42:46
Yeah. That episode that grief episode with Tamra Hannah, that we really

Alison Cebulla 42:53
it is, to be honest for us

Anne Sherry 42:56
until you can be honest and, and some of the and feel the pain you need to feel I mean, so there's so many responses to childhood emotional neglect, but or just I wouldn't, period. Yeah,

Alison Cebulla 43:08
yeah. Why do you think because I've seen that. So my mom grew up in a home with some physical and other abuse. That was very traumatic that got some of that got passed on, you know, and I've seen her and her siblings respond in very different ways. You know, certain siblings went to therapy, certain ones didn't win a one of her brother went very, very, very, extremely religious. You know? Why do you think that? The way that you and maybe you want to share like your some of your healing path, you know, what made it what was different? What, which way did you pivot where you're, you know what that was different from your sister or your other siblings?

Alicia Simmons Miracle 43:47
Well, I listen to a lot of what my mother said before she died. She was honest. That was the thing that stood out so much about her was that she knew she had she had ovarian cancer, okay, and she died of ovarian cancer. And she knew she wasn't going to beat it. It was 1985 she let us know, I'm not going to live to see another year. Okay, this is my year of living. Okay. And then tell your children ranging in ages from 10 to 15. You know, I'm not going to be around and having a comfort them in that moment. Yeah, that just told me right there. How strong this woman is, because I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to do it. You know, you are people like when the AIDS epidemic was going on, folks was like, I don't even know my status, just let me drop dead. But he was like, No, this is what's going on for me. And I want to let y'all know how to navigate it. How to understand it, how to come together and be more to each other to support each other and her honesty, her truth. Me Let me say, Okay, I have to always live in truth. I have to always be honest with what's going on, you know, and I had a huge

Anne Sherry 45:08
impact on you. It's right, right.

Alison Cebulla 45:11
It's the youngest. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 45:15
I'm the last child, and that's stuck with me. And I don't

Anne Sherry 45:19
like 10 or 11 when she was I was.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 45:22
Here's how I was 11. I had already turned 11. Okay, that year when she announced that she was dying of cancer, and talking about losing her hair, and her hair was this big, thick Afro like minds, and I love combing through and brushing through her hair. And that devastated me. Yeah, yet everything that she said, came to be true. She was like, you can't rely on my family, my your father's family, you can rely on friends, you can rely on each other. And so I've always been a constant with my siblings. And what happened with me was my godmother took me in, like, after a year, almost two years, and my sister and I, moving from one family member to another, we lived in 10 different homes, and even all the way in DC and back to New Jersey, and, and my godmother who was 65 at the time, had been looking for me. But she was 65 taking care of her husband who had Alzheimer's, WM double amputee, but she took me in and not my sister. And I think that bothered my sister too. But my sister ended up having those friends that my mother had talked about those good friends that's going to look out for you, you know, she ended up having that and my brothers did too. Okay. However, it was this thing of like, why is why are what was the what our blood relatives why haven't they truly stepped up? You know, but they will already they were dealing with their own childhood tragically. And I told my sister that I'm like, why is that still bother you like you were successful in your life? Your daughter is an adult she work in your living together, not peacefully, I definitely know that they have physical altercations goes away to being acted in public. But I'm like, You're, you're out of that. Why is this still bothering you? That

Anne Sherry 47:33
I've heard in the past, right? I mean, it's still in the past, like, when is it just gonna like lock in that I'm not wanted or, or that separation or, and I'm also just hearing, you know, like, what's often talked about in white communities of like, we don't talk, there's no, and that's not across the board. But often, it's like, silence. I mean, we've, you know, just nobody's talking about anything. I don't want to upset anybody. But I'm so struck by your mother's Radical Honesty is a protective factor. Really, it was it

Alicia Simmons Miracle 48:05
was truly that she was just like, listen, and I was like, Do you remember how Mommy, when everybody was started drinking, she was like, Alright, it's time for us to go home. When we go to my aunt's house in my grandmother's house on my father's side. Yeah. And she was like, yes, that, you know, we never stayed around for the zoo to open, you know, for the zoo, to like, zoo animals to be like, let out die. When she died. We had nobody saying, Okay, it's time to go home because they drink too much that alcohol is flowing. And they have a bunch of drugs. She never talked negative about them. She never said listen, they're just alcohol. She never what she did say is when I asked her why why daddy react like that. When you do stuff for us, or you buy certain things. She was like, because he grew up being told he was less than he grew up. Being told he wasn't gonna be nobody, he wasn't gonna be shit. You know, like to have your mother and I heard my grandmother, my father's mother, telling my aunt that telling my uncles that, you know, after my mother died, I was like, Oh, this lady that used to come to our house and give us those wet nasty kisses. is an evil evil woman. Yeah, you know, and so I got to see that after my mother died, but my mother protected my grandmother from us realizing knowing who she was, as long as she could, you know, she protected us from it.

Anne Sherry 49:42
Wow. Wow. Well, just before we got on because sort of blending all this like we were talking about you doing a talk on the spirit of humor, and also your path from like, I mean, what could it be a devastating outcome with the amount you know buying homes and death of a mom but like you already are navigating your way through and like finding spirit and humor. You're fucking hilarious. I watched the seven minute clip. We were listening to it with August in the car. We were driving home from my mother's my mother's house yesterday. And I was like, we were laughing so hard. So anyways, just kind of some of that how moving to Yeah. How did you move your life? Yeah, it was an adage like, do you want to be? Do you want to have a good childhood? Or do you want to be fun?

Alison Cebulla 50:38
Funny People,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 50:39
my parents absolutely hilarious. When they got together, they knew how to socialize with folks and have fun. That's why everybody loved them. Yeah. And and then like my godmother, this little woman Miss Emma stood for nine and and she was hilarious as hell like she because she was just one of those honest, old black ladies that tell you like she was like, Oh, I cut that motherfucker too short and shit. Like she was saying stuff. And I was like, well, that what did you just say? And I was about like, what her pastor died like we would I would go to church with her sometimes because she wanted me to still stay with Jehovah Witness because she was like, I don't want you as a Jehovah's Witness was okay. But she was like, I want to honor your mother. She loved my mother so much. She was like, I want to honor what she what her practice is what she teaches y'all. And so but I would go to church for her sometimes when I didn't want to go to the Kingdom Hall. And our pastor was straight up out of coming to America, like, like curly kid, like wet Jheri curl pasture, and everyday and when he died, he was a heavyset guy. And when he died, she was like, Reverend Wiggins didn't have any life insurance. And I was like, Oh, wow, damn, you know, she was like, well, now we're gonna raise money. So I'll be cooking dinner. So she cooked dinners on Fridays, and I cleaned the stove and stuff. I cleaned her kitchen. So she cooked dinners. And when she was talking about putting this all together, because she's the treasurer of the church, she was like, We gotta bury this fat nigga

Anne Sherry 52:30
pull any punches. And just straight up. Oh,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 52:35
it was like, straight up. And then at the same time, she like cleaned off his builders and she would go clean people's houses. It was well, she worked for the same Jewish communities of families for years within the same neighborhood. She went from one house to another all day in this neighborhood. And and so she just was she was straight up about it. Like she just,

Anne Sherry 53:02
like, straight up than your mom had. It sounds like Right.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 53:05
She was honest. She was very honest. Because yeah, everybody came to her door for something. And, and I learned so many lessons of hump being humble, compassion, empathy, and humor. Because she like it. And one thing that struck me was it was his mother and daughter, who like used to be a part of her church, and the mom is an amazing singer. And at a time where, you know, people are trying to live their dreams, she was homeless. So she was show up to my aunt Emma's door at midnight or something in the winter, where her daughter, and you know, she would let her in and sleep on the couch and stuff and everything. And that scared me because when I knew I wanted to be an actor, I just was like, Man, I don't want to be like, this lady here will always she had great talent, great, great voice. But she was she was living out of a bag and, and, and homeless, you know, and my grandmother. I call them my grandmother. She's my godmother. She just really, she shed light on that. She was just like, you know, this woman here. She's so gifted. She's so talented. She has a beautiful voice. She does. She does. She had a beautiful voice. But she just can't see past her own bullshit, is what she would say. She can't see past her own bullshit to get it right. So she can be indoors and not carton that child around. Like I mean, her daughter was younger than me. I was a teenager, and she was a younger child and carton around in the winter. And some some nights she wouldn't let her in. She would be like, Don't open that door. Don't open that door and I would be like I got it. Open this door because I was homeless once to without a parent with Jeff, my sister and I, and I wanted people to open that door. And she was like, Don't Don't open the door show somebody will give her some way to say, Can I

Alison Cebulla 55:14
can I, like maybe push back on a thing a little bit and, and get curious and ask you about something great. Um, because, you know, there, there was a, I don't know if it was a new study or an old study that's that the someone made a graphic for but it's been going around like kind of the differences in the average wealth accumulation for a white person in America compared to black. And it's something like the average white person has, like $170,000, and the average black person has 17,000. And that's such a huge disparity. And it's one of the biggest things that we need to look out when we look at racism in America. And my curiosity for you is like, because we talk about this a lot and and I at the individual level shame, that it's possible to give people like you're not trying hard enough, compared to that recognition of, of systemic oppression, you know, and I'm just curious about that, you know, as you're saying, like, this person wasn't doing enough, or this person was saying suck. Was there discussion or awareness? Or was there not about the systemic issues happening?

Alicia Simmons Miracle 56:26
Well, she was pursuing her dreams. Yeah, yeah. New York City, because I lived in New Jersey. So she would take that path, train over to New Jersey, take the bus up to East Orange and knock on my grandmother's door. So it was that and I understand that drive. That's why I had fear about it. Yeah. Because I, I lived in Los Angeles, I pursue my dreams, to the point where sometimes I couldn't pay rent. Yeah. And I was like, oh, man, I gotta hustle. Somebody make sure my rent is covered. Yeah. And I did not. And the thing is, too, is that friends of mine, and I went to American Conservatory with and, and the Groundlings were had parents who paid who funded Yeah, that was that and that was like, and people wonder like, oh, man, you know, Alicia, you you'll have the freedom to write. I did not have the freedom to pursue my acting career. The way I want it to Yeah, you know, I have friends who had just moved to LA and was already living in a paid for a condo in Santa Monica. Yeah. And I'm like, I've been living here for 10 years. You know?

Anne Sherry 57:49
What do you do with all that? I mean, I have a lot of that. But like, where I had to quit school for a year but and around money. Yeah, yes. Yeah. And

Alicia Simmons Miracle 58:00
earn money to survive.

Anne Sherry 58:02
Did that, like influence your comedy? Or like, how do you not like,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 58:08
I was like, I can't bring it up. Because yeah, the thing is, you can't bring it up because it's complaining. is complaining. Nobody want to hear that. And comedy. Oh, poor poor, you poor. You know, I always tell people, I don't have a net when I moved to LA. And I dealt with roommates. You know, I was always the financial, like, responsible person that's like, oh, let's pay all of this stuff. Yeah, we started having parties. We for we we fought we started to smoke a joint. Let's get it all out.

Anne Sherry 58:45
Paid for the zoo in.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 58:47
Right before we open up this last Vegas. This is paid for. And nothing, nothing like did me better. Like when I lived in the Bay Area, the Bay Area paid you to cost a living. So I say I was able to save money. I was able to pay my student loans. I was able to have money for everything that I needed, because the Bay Area page for cost of living was

Alison Cebulla 59:09
a higher minimum wage or different job opportunities or like what do you mean exactly? No,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 59:13
I did. I worked in social work. I did nonprofit just

Alison Cebulla 59:17
like I just want to get like so you're saying like in the Bay Area. They the same job paid more? You notice. Okay. Okay.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 59:26
Like so, um, you worked in the East Bay, you got paid the cost of living on the East Bay. Okay, Francisco is more expensive to live in. So even if you live in rent control in San Francisco, right, right. And they have rent control. They have rent control and parts to LA to Yeah, and but the thing is, is that like in San Francisco, If I lived in East Bay, but I worked a few days in San Francisco. Oh gonna get paid like I live in San Francisco. So I will always try to pick up shifts in San Francisco when I needed to catch up on something or I wanted to go on a trip. it and everything and NASA thing it's like, I'm not saying that my grandmother wouldn't let her in. Because she was like she needed to learn. She was just like, listen, she, she has to make a better plan for her

Anne Sherry 1:00:16
and her got it? Yes.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:00:19
I do everything because she can't always rely on us being home. We're not home one day, that day,

Anne Sherry 1:00:29
right? So and there is this reality of just horrible financial inequity. And like, when you're living it, you've got to like, you're not going to say, like, we talk, listening to that podcast about homelessness and

Alison Cebulla 1:00:44
outsiders, outsiders

Anne Sherry 1:00:46
fucking great podcast, but like, person who was on the ground with the homeless, the sanction homeless camp, like he was really despondent that, you know, because Washington state is saying, we're going to do this, we're going to do this, but he's like, these are five year fucking plans. We've got people now we've been told now. So that's good. And we need to support like, so. What? Move into these solutions now. So it's great. You know, I don't know, I think as

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:01:17
I know, but like Los Angeles, I lived in Los Angeles, and I worked in social work. I even like I worked with adults with disabilities. I was a parent trainer. I saw I would go to the courthouses. And I would go to Skid Row, I saw that. And they had money. They have enough money to house people. But what did they do? They made it more expensive to live.

Anne Sherry 1:01:43
What is the number one thing that is making homelessness more prevalent? Like right rents, and it is gonna, it's,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:01:51
it's right. I mean, in 2008 2008, when that when the market crashed when the housing market crash, right, who bought purchased dance in Venice to live in? That was serious, that was something that that's when you needed a stimulus check. That's where he was like, We got to keep these people in their homes. So not on the street. But everybody who had wealth profited from that. pandemic, yes. Now you have the.com or companies that are all in Venice v. So all those people that lost those generation homes, and that's what I call it, dead generation homes that like the Venice is a certain part of Venice Beach. That is was all black communities where you had the what they call love the beach side, Crips, or bloods or something. Dad, grandparents all lived in those communities, and they still have small swaths of them. But once that market crash, those people had to give up those homes and start living in cars. We even have a friend who lives in his truck to this day, to this day in California. And that's when they set up these parking lots where you get to have a bathroom and this and that, but that's not enough. Doors. Yeah.

Anne Sherry 1:03:15
That podcast outsiders is gonna just I believe, yeah. So Alicia, like, we, we had probably 15 more minutes, 1015 minutes here. But just because I mean, I always in these podcasts were like, Oh, my God, we could just talk. I want to talk for hours and hours. But that's sort of that moving into you like, maybe it sounds like you just you went for it and found a path because you are full time moving into the I mean, you are a full time comedian. Jason, you're married to an artist. So it's kind of like, what happened? I know it did happen. It's amazing. But just that peace around the comedy, humor as spirit

Alison Cebulla 1:03:59
is just wanting to hear

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:04:01
more of that. Well, yeah. Well, I was a kid who did debate and I didn't do debate, but I did like dramatic interpretation and humorous interpretation. And how I came to that was in high school. My sophomore year of high school, I saw a sign of flier said, if you're if you like poetry, and I love poetry, I used to write poetry as a kid my mom influenced that she made sure I knew how to type she sent

Anne Sherry 1:04:33
most badass Jehovah's Witness. Like projection on Jehovah's Witness.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:04:41
She was not bad at that. So I told her I was like, I want to write poetry. So she brought home a US typewriter from the secondhand store. She told me you're gonna have to learn how to type because I was like it just let it into writing. So when I saw this sign, about loving Paul country I went to Rome to 19. Miss Tony Baskerville was the drama coach. He was also an English teacher at my high school. And I jumped on her drama team. I jumped right on her drama team. And before my first competition, like I was meeting up, rehearsing and as a teenage girl as 16. And liking a boy and a boy liking you, and stuff, I had like a traumatic experience where I didn't have my mom navigate that with me or my dad that navigate that with me. And I tried to take my own life. And at 16, I, my grandmother had to experience me take I took all the medication in the house, like it was a lot of blood pressure medication, a lot of just whatever pills I could find. And so for two days, I got a little bit of therapy. I got a little bit of therapy for two days. But affordability again, like here I am a teenage girl who didn't get the therapy. We couldn't afford the therapy for the therapy, but I returned to the drama class, the after school program. Okay, and that became my therapy. Got it.

Anne Sherry 1:06:22
Like I was, yeah, yeah, I

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:06:24
was like, why I was like, this is this is it? Like, I never never thought about taking my life ever again. Yeah, from that moment on, never. I was like, Oh, this is life to me. Life is so

Anne Sherry 1:06:38
the teenage brain is so impulsive. Right? I mean, it is a particular way. Seriously. Yeah. And it's Yeah. And I

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:06:47
realized I was like, Oh, I don't have nobody to navigate this with me to say like, oh, this boy broke up with you, that you that you have sex with, you know, and now, and now he'll watch you know, more. So I didn't have my mom or my dad. So

Anne Sherry 1:07:03
yeah.

Alison Cebulla 1:07:07
That I mean, we just

Anne Sherry 1:07:08
we just interviewed some folks that will come out. But there's an app now where you can act out where you go

Alison Cebulla 1:07:15
those texts and really think about, okay, so I think

Anne Sherry 1:07:19
we're gonna save from years of trauma, like because they'll be able to get those questions when they can't go to parents, or they don't have anybody or their heirs to talk with their parents or when

Alison Cebulla 1:07:30
a parent is yes, so traumatic. And I really want to honor that, like, they kept sharing that with us, because at 12 That's such a huge loss. And also, I want to say, even for those of us who grew up with parents, may or may not have talked about sex or held space anyway. So it's a big, big, big trauma in the United States. You know,

Anne Sherry 1:07:52
think about and then think about Alicia, thank God that drama was funded in your school, there's, you know, we're, we, we have hoped that shit is changing. But sometimes, you know, when you see these, like, just the way that American politics and stuff just Trump shit out. We're like, we don't need that. We don't need drama. We don't need art. We don't need poetry and what I'm hearing is the fucking saved your life. Absolutely your fucking life.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:08:18
Save a life to the point where my drama teacher, Miss Antoinette Baskerville. Richard II, remember, she told my wife, he came to see me when I had my son in Los Angeles. We went to the museum, we hung out. And even when I was in New York, only reason why we didn't see each other is because she hasn't been sanding anybody because of COVID. But also it was her birthday weekend. And it was her mother is an artist is a visual artists of famous artists in Jersey, so it was auctioning off her her collection. So he was having this big event for her collection. Look at that. Look how well we're all like intertwined and stuff

Anne Sherry 1:09:03
lately, like

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:09:06
every show, every play I've been in this woman has been right there. When it was time for me to get into school. She was like you get into school. And she helped me navigate the whole system of filling out college applications get funding. And because my father had abandoned me, I was awarded a court and I didn't know that. So she put me down as a ward of the court and I was able to get funding to go to school. Wow. Wow. That sounds so

Anne Sherry 1:09:37
funny to interpret a nightmare system. Right? I mean, like, right. I mean, this is what does like rankles Allison. What we talk about a lot is like these, not none of this shit should be that hard. I mean, I hear the amazingness and no doubt it feeds into who you are and your comedy, your aliveness. And but So, but it's like, come on we, like this should, you know, like, we shouldn't have structures that you have to claw your way through, like and maybe find somebody to help you with it or not, you know. So

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:10:11
yeah. And that's like you should like even even with my son in school, like parents wouldn't be able to navigate that new system from kindergarten, up to fifth grade. And what better way to have a parent who is a greater two ahead of you be your mentor or your partner, your buddy through this stuff. And that's not like that should be set in place for high schoolers, and stuff, because you don't know what somebody is dealing with, at home, that they don't trust to tell to the school because they don't want to get a parent in trouble. They don't want to have life insurance or Child Services at their door. So to have like a buddy at school, or buddy teacher group or something to navigate that system, so they can make it to secondary education, although like people are, the politicians are trying to say, Oh, that's a waste of time. It's not, it's not. Because even if you don't utilize that degree, you know, what you get, you get a level of, of socialization, that you would not get saying in your self identify community, saying that you're safe space, if I would have stayed in my safe space of NORC, I wouldn't have gotten to know so many different ethnic groups that lived in Jersey that lived in New York and outside that transferred to the school that was exchange students, that where we got to share our stories of community and how we live, you know, I mean, like, that's it that is that so important, because you're not going to get that in your neighborhood school. Right, right. You got to get that in college. If you don't use that degree, at least you like when

Anne Sherry 1:12:03
you and I were talking about just the creation of these islands, you know, just like like, just culturally, age, race, politics that we just love, whoever up there, whatever got unfolded, it's just like, everybody stay chopped up. Separate, don't talk, judge each other, be afraid of each other, you know, and so there's just like this, you and I were talking about how do we like we just how do we do each other?

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:12:37
Yeah, I mean, like, that's the thing is, you

Anne Sherry 1:12:40
buy into that don't don't

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:12:42
buy into when we was leaving. I always feel like everything happens for a reason when we leave in New York. We're supposed to leave out of JFK get home by 430. But our flight was delayed was a trip. That's it. Yeah. So we left out of LaGuardia. And this lady, this lady, this lovely lady from Texas, who was there for the New York Marathon and visiting her sister, they both ran the New York Marathon and God bless them on that one.

Anne Sherry 1:13:12
And Alison ran that.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:13:16
Run I was I told my son, I said, I want to work up to being able to run the New York Marathon. He said, I'm not going to do that with you. I'll ride a bike alongside but this lady wanted to have a conversation because she was just like hurts. We was on the same flight. And she was like, cannot ride with your your cab that that the airport the Delta gave or American gave to us was like, Yes, sure. It's a big enough car. So the driver was a black man from New York, my husband, myself and this older white lady from Texas, who is a retired elementary school principal, okay. And we got into the whole conversation about immigration, children being separated. And she was like, I'm not gonna start I'm not gonna start. And the cab driver was like she had already started right. Because she was like, were conservative as you she started from COVID. She wanted to talk about it. She was like, this interracial couple with this beautiful child. Let's talk about it. Let's just do it since white. Yeah, Mrs. White? Yes. Yeah. And so. So she did and we had a great conversation. Nobody left hating each other. And I said, this, why did you do that? And we told her that some of her information was wrong. I was like, there are no immigrants who children was separated from getting checks, they should. They should just get automatic citizenship if your child was taken from you, and he was trying to get In this country at the time, you should just be a citizen today. That's how I put it. I was like, instead of handing out a check to them for that they need therapy. But everybody in America needs therapy, everybody. Everybody, everybody, and I told her to I say, my reparations check. That's what I do.

Alison Cebulla 1:15:20
Yeah. I have one.

Anne Sherry 1:15:27
You gotta come back. Of course we say that. Yeah, but just that piece, does it. But it is the changing of the heart, too. It's like writing checks is one thing, but then it's like, but if you still hold beliefs of, well, they really should pull themselves up by their do I made it all that bullshit, you know, like bootstraps. And I did, I did fine. And they just like, not looking. But just like, can we get I think, Allison, I keep thinking, what are we doing here? And I think we're just trying to help people get curious, like, why are we all separate? Why are we polarized? Why do people hate each other?

Alison Cebulla 1:16:04
I commend that woman for getting for joining.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:16:11
Hi, Jackie. Jackie.

Anne Sherry 1:16:15
You listening? Yeah. But also,

Alison Cebulla 1:16:17
I because I'm, I am an advocate for for reparations among among other restitution. And I have gone on the radio here. I live in a county that's very, very light. And I have gone on live radio to talk about why as white people, we need to care and advocate for reparations for African Americans in the United States. And I take callers, I take callers and talk to them. And I talk to people and I hear them out, you know, and you're and you're so right about. People have like the wrong facts, like Pete, like, you know, and so if we can have those conversations with people of like, Well, did you know that that didn't actually happen like that, like, did you know what actually happened like this, or it's still happening like this? I don't, you know, and just sort of one conversation at a time. Like, I can only take a few callers you know, you know, in an hour, but people were like, okay, the needle has moved, I'm hearing you and it's those those one on one conversations that are so important in

Anne Sherry 1:17:16
the one on one conversations, because Facebook isn't doing it. I did outrage on Facebook for years, you know, and it felt good to me. It was I think it was also part of my process of like, kind of being with some of the trauma or experiencing when you really start looking at it and really reading the real history. It's will fuck you up the history. I mean, it's hard. The real president, the real president, the real president. Yeah, but it's like this arc of, of it's, it's like, just keep showing up. Just keep showing up. Keep getting curious, you know, why do you run away from it? Or why can I have these times? Why do I shut down all the

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:17:57
kids we all should have been up in arms about seeing modern day slavery take place at the border with babies away from upstairs. That same way that you break, that's the way that they broke down a family during slavery?

Alison Cebulla 1:18:17
Yep, yeah, absolutely.

Anne Sherry 1:18:21
Like cutting hair and re educating and sending indigenous people

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:18:25
to schools like the most pettiest what I find is that as Americans sometimes we are so heavy in our vengeance Yeah, it's the most pettiest things and that's what happened and slavery of a slave master didn't like how you the tone of your voice they were selling your baby by the afternoon Yeah, no.

Anne Sherry 1:18:50
Children Yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:18:52
be taken away from parents to deter them to come to a country that where we absolutely need their labor and when most of them come here to work they pay into our tax system. Yes. And a lot of people don't know that and it's like to educate them and say no, no immigrant is walking across that border. Yesterday they getting a welfare check today. You need a social security card. Even people here not getting it.

Anne Sherry 1:19:24
Yeah so polarizing, you know. We got it. Yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:19:33
We have. That's what I love. I love doing satire about that. I love watching John Oliver. I love watching you know all of those comedians that make fun of that because it lets us know how ill informed we are. And if we're not willing to like laugh at it because you gotta like when you were you say it to somebody? Oh no. are paying I'm paying for immigrants. That my tax dollars I'm like no your tax dollars. You don't know where your tax dollars go. Because the government don't fucking tell you the itemized bill. Okay, our tax dollars go every year terrible we get ourselves or where our tax dollars go. Yeah, that would be a comedy routine. Yes. You know?

Anne Sherry 1:20:24
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Alison Cebulla 1:20:28
So I just still want to come back to like, how, how has comedy How has a career in comedy helped you? Processing? He'll? Yeah, yeah. Like I really want to know. Yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:20:44
Well, I do I love I love laughing and being a comedian. I started being a comedian, because when I moved to California, I always went out for sassy friend, sassy black friend. Oh, okay, girl.

Alison Cebulla 1:20:58
This is. And I was like, What is this for your audition my friends.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:21:05
I was like, in New York and New Jersey. I was always dramatic, like always got dramatic roles, you know? Okay, like the heavy in a play where I was laying down the law and crying, you know, okay. Okay. So there was like, You're funny. I was like, Oh, funny.

Alison Cebulla 1:21:23
Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay, suddenly, there was different rule. Okay. Okay. Right. Yeah, I

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:21:29
was like, I'm funny to y'all because we all know each other. And I say stuff about people around us and I look at them crazy.

Alison Cebulla 1:21:39
From your mom, it was that honesty, you know, honesty?

Anne Sherry 1:21:43
Godmother? Yeah, right. Yeah. So

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:21:47
I just was like, I was like, Alright, forget it. I wasn't doing any live theater and I live for live theater for like, that's the best way to hone your craft. So I auditioned for the Comedy Store. And I have one joke. And the joke was about curves, gyms. Did you know about curves? Gyms? It's like a boutique, is a boutique gym, geared towards heavyset women. Okay, it's like for heavy curves. Curves. Curves. Yeah, totally. No curve.

Anne Sherry 1:22:18
Okay, they're out of bed, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:22:21
mean, like, they were all they set up in a strip mall. Louisiana fried chicken or

Anne Sherry 1:22:30
pink logo? Yes. What

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:22:32
big lady is going into the gym working out, and they come out and they smell the food that got the big in the first place, you know, right. You know, like a donut shop. And I mean, like LA every cars because I joined curves gym. And I was like, why is it next to the Louisiana fried chicken? You know, why is it next to the donut shop, the Japanese donut shop, you know, it was at a strip mall next to a temptation. So that was my first joke. And a lot of observation, comedy.

Alison Cebulla 1:23:07
Observation this does I am seeing this it does not make sense.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:23:11
But that started it. I just was like, I'm not doing any equity shows right now. And I really in order for me to stay fresh as an actor, I need to be doing live shows. And so I just started doing comedy and you know, it took off and I was writing every day every day every day I was writing and I got fired from my job I got fired from video jobs in Los Angeles because because I get

Anne Sherry 1:23:43
your comedy there too right

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:23:47
and I would make jokes and stuff and every I always got hired because of my personality and my honesty and my my wit and everyday and I would get fired because I don't want

Anne Sherry 1:24:03
to get the job

Alison Cebulla 1:24:06
right is here right?

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:24:09
The love affair is over You're not funny.

Alison Cebulla 1:24:14
So how can we um, follow along how do people find you is are there you know, how can people want

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:24:22
Facebook tick tock so I want to try this week and start dropping tick tock videos. I got to think about what I want to do because I'm also actually putting it out there I'm going on a weight loss journey. Okay, so that is going to be pure comedy because I want to

Anne Sherry 1:24:43
Okay, great. We're gonna have you back. I'm like menopausal and

Alison Cebulla 1:24:50
COVID has not been not been friendly to my body pounds

Anne Sherry 1:24:53
probably in COVID I can count on yeah torn season came in Ah oh my

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:25:00
god it is my friend my good friend Shawna bets her little girl. Willa loves candy corn. She was like I can't wait for Halloween she for she five she's like I can't wait for Halloween for my candy corn. Oh yeah I only allow

Alison Cebulla 1:25:24
it there love it or hate it there's no metal there's no metal you have to pick a side you have to pick a side

Anne Sherry 1:25:30
I don't do candy pumpkins like that's that's that's too much the shape of the triangle candy corner gets it? No So are you Yeah.

Alison Cebulla 1:25:40
Yeah. We,

Anne Sherry 1:25:43
Alicia we want we had before we started recording we were having such we are moving into great areas around like how neighborhood the neighborhoods that you grew up in are how they are not conducive to exercising. Like it's a home. I would love it if you're up for it to this feels like a whole nother episode on weight loss journeys or loving our bodies.

Alison Cebulla 1:26:10
There's so much there all the

Anne Sherry 1:26:12
trauma like really a ton of trauma about what you grew up with food deserts all the pieces. So

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:26:18
yeah, I didn't know as much as I knew about like Detroit with like, the food deserts, the vegetables, getting fresh vegetables, and certain things that we take for granted. Yes. In our little small pockets of the United States. There's other pockets of the United States that don't get that you know, that are living like a third world country. Yes, definitely. As a walking in your communities Absolutely. Like, I mean, will you a teenage girl who develops early at you have the elders, the older men of the community, like, you know, look at looking to have sex with you and whistling that you're you 12 You can't have

Alison Cebulla 1:27:02
a lot of grams,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:27:05
right? You have no control over how your body develops. Yeah. And my mom, my mom grew up in one of those type of communities where there was a neighborhood pedophile, who father midea children, my oldest brother was one of them. And that was something that she took with her to her to her grave, but having a good friend. She her good friend told me I because I was like a write stories about my mother. And she said yes, she like hers. Your brother and my son are half brothers. Because this man in the community. Yeah. Rate of your weapon.

Anne Sherry 1:27:46
Right? And just nobody's coming. Nobody's telling. You just get Yeah,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:27:50
my husband is like, How could that be something that was like it is something because we you have children that are coming home alone. That's latchkey kid, yeah, who are home and we didn't like the summers, my brothers would go and and bag groceries at Pathmark and get change and get snacks and stuff for us and go get summer lunches. And sometimes they we will all do little community days to get changed and stuff for my parents anniversary to surprise them that we're earners, and we got to help them with some bills because we felt bad about their load. And you have so many children that will go out there. And that was something my mother did. She was cleaning this man's house to help her family. And it did my husband.

Anne Sherry 1:28:42
It is like this poverty that really shouldn't exist in these ways. Right? And then it's putting children in just dangerous situations where they don't have a voice and then it's SHAME ON TOP OF SHAME ON TOP OF SHAME.

Alison Cebulla 1:28:55
Well I like I want to just say thank you Alicia for really, man, the honesty you really that is such a gift that you inherited from these these people in your life. Like thank you for naming the thing that's really hard to name because when on our podcast, we talk about neglect a lot. We don't name a lot of the other adverse childhood experiences, you know by name and you're able to do it you just do it, it just the truth comes out. You just You just have to name the truth. And that's an incredible gift and I just want to say like thank you for for bringing that and like you know, this is the trauma that happened because these traumas are are happening they're still happening. Yeah. And they're happening in all sorts of families it's you know, all sorts of socio economic all sorts of race everything these you know, sexual abuse is happening pedophiles out there. Physical domestic violence happening, you know, yes, um, Oh,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:30:01
yeah. And it was was so what's sad about it is that we have become accustomed, like how did you let that happen? How do you

Alison Cebulla 1:30:12
told them? No,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:30:13
it's always always

Anne Sherry 1:30:15
did you do

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:30:17
what? How did you do it and even like, like in the black community for many years, if you heard about somebody gets shot by the police or something happened to them in custody you like they must have did something, they must have done something. But now you see video and you're like, oh my god, they did nothing, you know, and they're not with us anymore. So and that's the thing. It's like,

Anne Sherry 1:30:44
and then anyway, they lived in shame, I imagine, right? That they live off of shame.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:30:48
Yes. That we it was so one dies I have witnessed firsthand was someone dies at the head of the police or a federal marshal, anybody. First thing they do is dig up all their dirt. That's right. To make to put it out in the community, in the in the yard, to put it out in a judgement yard violence. So everybody gets saved by this guy. This guy was bad news already. Good thing he not with us no more, you know, instead of understanding that that was years ago, and that person has has gotten over that that didn't help that they've been held that they've rehabilitated and stuff. We still that still happens. Yeah, so happens. And and we all do it. We all do it. We're like, well, they must have did something. It must have done something. I'm I'm definitely guilty of it. You know, when I hear stuff or see stuff. And I don't know exactly what now I go and research and I try to dig deeper about it. Because I don't want to fall into that trap of accusing a victim.

Alison Cebulla 1:32:05
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's

Anne Sherry 1:32:08
almost knee jerk. I know we're getting. Yeah, but just that knee jerk, like, a way of othering or that's not me. I mean, we have to get curious, where did these messages get planted in us?

Alison Cebulla 1:32:21
Gosh, thank you so so much, Alicia, thank you for for shining such a clear light on the different types of traumas that you personally experienced, like, Thank you for your vulnerability. It's a huge gift to our listeners and to and I like that's a really big gift. So you know, yeah, thank you so much. I just want to know, you've had some you've had some stuff. Yeah. You know, losing your mom had 12 That's a big trauma. So I just, you know, thank you for, for sharing that. You know,

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:32:51
thank you guys for listening, you know, over the years is is become easier to talk about because she was such an exceptional person. And more and more as the US

Anne Sherry 1:33:05
What's your mom's name?

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:33:07
Patricia Simmons. Patricia Trisha center system is it was her.

Anne Sherry 1:33:12
Thank you. Patricia Semin for being who you were in the world and bringing Alicia here and filling all that honesty. Yeah,

Alison Cebulla 1:33:22
so yeah.

Alicia Simmons Miracle 1:33:24
Okay, got. Hi, ladies. Thank you. All right.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai