Episode 11: The Middle School to Drug Addiction Pipeline—with guest Tyler Tamai, BSN, RN

In this episode, Alison and Tyler talk about their middle school trauma and how that may have contributed, albeit indirectly, to their party years and substance misuse in their teens and 20s. Tyler is a Registered Nurse with a BSN in San Diego, California. He is a father, husband, social change maker. In 2020 he was awarded a full scholarship for his nursing program as an Honors Fellow for Social Change. Tyler’s educational journey has spanned numerous areas of focus, including homelessness, poverty, and mental health disorders. He has provided care for several diverse populations, including those who find themselves homeless and those struggling with substance abuse disorders.

00:00 Anne and Alison catch up

Is smelling your own farts good for you? What we're reading right now. Goddess circles and trust. Anne gets religious on us.

15:40 Alison shares a disclaimer about the false science of smelling farts

18:35 Interview with Tyler Tamai

How to make the best ramen, growing up too fast, middle school trauma, Les Miserable and the themes therein, class struggles, methamphetamine, heroin, addiction, recovery, and social change. 

Show notes:

Intro:

Interview:

Guest biography:

Tyler is a Registered Nurse and Public Health Nurse with a BSN and in San Diego, California. He is a father, husband, social change maker. In 2020 he was awarded a full scholarship for his nursing program as an Honors Fellow for Social Change. Click here to read more about that. Tyler’s educational journey has spanned numerous areas of focus, including homelessness, poverty, and mental health disorders. He has provided care for several diverse populations, including those who find themselves homeless and those struggling with substance abuse disorders.

Books:

Transcript:

This is an imperfect and partial transcript generated by Otter AI

Alison Cebulla 0:09
Welcome to another episode. Whenever you're listening when timestamp are so good evening, humans

Anne Sherry 0:23
it might be daylight it could be 2am

Alison Cebulla 0:27
Your friend said they couldn't sleep and that led us to their podcast.

Anne Sherry 0:32
That's what I do all night. Fucking listen to podcast, menopause wakes my ass.

Alison Cebulla 0:39
So this is latchkey urchins and friends. And I'm Alison Cebulla.

Anne Sherry 0:45
And I'm Anne Sherry.

Alison Cebulla 0:48
Thanks for listening. I just want to say before Anna, and I record our intro here that I really hope we got another review. And yeah, so it's really helpful. If you're listening now, even if you don't listen on Apple podcasts, but if you have access to Apple podcasts, you can go on your phone, or you can go on your desktop, and write our podcast and leave a review because it's a really big platform and it, you know, messes with the algorithm in a good way and more people will find our podcast so if you can review us, that's awesome. We know a review from someone who's whose handle is stop the stigma of mental illness, which we can appreciate. And it says beautifully crafted conversation around Child Trauma by experts. These incredibly bright women incorporate the right amount of humor to process the important information, keep it up friends,

Anne Sherry 1:45
I am contracting on all those positive words. That's just what I do. And I'm okay with that. I'm just noticing like

Alison Cebulla 1:57
we are doing a good job. Yeah,

Anne Sherry 2:00
I get positive stuff. And you know what, I'm 25 years in the making. I think being able to absolutely have space for people who say you're full of shit. I'm up I'm up for all of it. So because it's that's we've got

Alison Cebulla 2:18
a new think we're full of shit. Please do not leave us a review. Oh, right.

Anne Sherry 2:23
Just like Airbnb. You got feedback for your Airbnb hosts? Do it privately. Come on,

Alison Cebulla 2:30
come on a chance

Anne Sherry 2:33
to be ethical about every single thing.

Alison Cebulla 2:37
On the issue.

Anne Sherry 2:40
Yeah. Yeah, but

Alison Cebulla 2:43
but let's buy. Okay, so thank you for sharing our podcast. Thank you for subscribing and following. And like, It all helps us a lot. So thank you. So and you had a great weekend, you had a goddess. Tell me about

Anne Sherry 2:57
five of us got together we've been meeting for. We keep trying to figure that out. But we were off for two years because of COVID. And then all five of us got together. But we we found our way to each other 15 years ago, we think we have stuck to it. And it felt like last time Yeah, we were really able to, I don't know, we just dropped right back in just we're really appreciating how we kind of have let a bunch of stuff sort of unfold. And we were able to be maybe even a little more honest, I was thinking about with this episode being about Tyler and substance abuse. Ah, so much I was able to share like substance abuse was rampant in well, my brother in the family Oh, really all over the place. And I was so curious about God, this thing where I had to go into a hate mode of like, that's how I made it out of that family. My brother was like, I think what they you know, often they're they're calling so much they're saying something's wrong in this family. Something's wrong. And for whatever reason, because of the 70s You know, my parents weren't equipped the society wasn't equipped. Nobody was there weren't really good services. It was just a stigma if somebody was fucking up, and you just hit it and just you know what we've been talking about. Here's like, anything that you get, you get pushed off the like little I don't know the little stage of American humanity and we're like, fuck you. You fucking fell off good luck.

Alison Cebulla 4:32
Yeah. Oh my God. Are you even saying that the United States is a cold and I unfortunately I actually literally do regret reading this book but they met they interviewed the author of both on conspirator ology and a little bit competition. accolti posted the one about No, no, no, no, no. Okay. This one's called cultish and it's a linguist who wrote about the language of coals and like we literally live In a cult

Anne Sherry 5:02
I know. I mean, I knew it, but now we're actually saying it. And now I see it everywhere.

Alison Cebulla 5:09
He talks about Amazon for quite a bit as an example of a corporate culture that he definitely didn't invent this. But first of all, she talks about the fact that like, one in four, or one in five CEOs is like a sociopath. Which lately, Don Ronson, I'll say, what about that in the Psychopath Test? About like, is this American culture? Or are they sociopaths? Or like, we just okay with this? Or like, what? Yeah, right. And so um, but like having like little catchphrases, blurring the lines of your kind of personal life and your professional life. And having a culture of really kind of like, maybe like putting your whole self in there. And then and then like, celebrating when you're sacrificing your life, you know, to this thing.

Anne Sherry 5:53
Can I ask how am I living? Yeah, super fucking important. But did you read this while you were on your break in Zion National Park? Yeah, you were fucking reading at night.

Alison Cebulla 6:02
I was No, I was on my drive. I listened to it on my drive back.

Anne Sherry 6:08
I know we got to wake up. But we might have to like,

Alison Cebulla 6:11
take a break. I'm gonna take a break. I'm going to take a break.

Anne Sherry 6:13
Bring people I've been so curious, this thing to have just not lots of people waking up. And that doesn't seem to be enough help in the world are not enough individual therapists. And I was like, really grateful to have been in and out of therapy for so long. But this goddess group, like, it was just I think what's been supportive, restorative, but we also were just truth tellers to each other, and we really hold space for each other. So we're, there's a lot of kindness, and there's a lot it like, I think first time in 15 years, I felt safe. I was like, Yo, I feel fucking safe. I was like, Oh, that's great. First time, maybe in 53 years, perhaps too, but I do. I do want to bring out one thing. Okay. So one of my goddess group members was like, Did y'all hear that? Smelling your own farts might cure cancer, or prevent cancer? And we were like, No, that's total bullshit. But then we looked it up. And sure enough, research did not preventing cancer, but it improves your health. Smelling your own farts

Alison Cebulla 7:23
Is it because you

Anne Sherry 7:24
make different health choices though? It's something about the well this is where it could get really kind of gross because you don't want to I mean, it's one of life's greatest pleasures to smell your heart so if you're not if you don't smell your own party, I

Alison Cebulla 7:37
have not evaluated this study as the public health I

Anne Sherry 7:41
will post it okay. And it says research suggests I'm all like what's the sample size what how to encourage people to smell their own farts fearing to give you

Alison Cebulla 7:55
reasons to do bad to prevent guru itis Yeah, well, it

Anne Sherry 8:00
could keep you humble. It might provide some health benefits and humans from present preventing heart disease to kidney failure. I don't buy it okay other people like you got to draw some boundaries All right, we'll post the study and that kind of stuff comes up you know where deeply is it

Alison Cebulla 8:21
gonna be satire is our

Anne Sherry 8:24
helpline calm Oh, no

Alison Cebulla 8:25
helpline is total bullshit. Sorry. Oh,

Anne Sherry 8:27
I Okay, good. Okay, well still. Oh, and I just I really want people to engage in I think that's how we stay grounded a little bit. Like I kind of run out of the room when you fart it's yours claim it right right we're gonna look deeper into this. Oh my god. I had a good but yeah,

Alison Cebulla 8:54
well okay. I I was smelling my own farts in my in my car by myself, you know, to to address Zion National barracks and in my own tent, but I did fit I read on the way there because that's a 910 hour 11 hour 12 hour drive depending on how many stops you make. It's a very long drive. Yeah, no, no cure for being human by your fellow North Carolina resident cable

Anne Sherry 9:22
or do I know Kate?

Alison Cebulla 9:26
I think you I think you said like, Oh, I loved that book or something. Oh,

Anne Sherry 9:31
she's in North Oh, she's a Duke Yeah,

Alison Cebulla 9:33
she's a do wonder

Anne Sherry 9:33
about the other What's the book? Everything happens for a reason and other lies I love Yeah, the prosperity Christianity I don't know. I never know people's the name of it. But

Alison Cebulla 9:45
that's the thing to where it's like, yeah, she's super inspirational. She's She's a lot like an Lama and that hurt. She has like all these little quippy little I don't know how she does it, but she she sort of crafts everyday conversation into like inspirational messaging. But and it's and she's like truly inspirational. But then once you dig deeper into her research, she's also calling out American culture because the prosperity gospel is the original of our origin, or parts of the origin of our culture completely. And that's her area of expertise. So it's interesting because it's like, oh, don't worry, I read this other thing, and it's not as bad but it's like, oh, but her other book.

Anne Sherry 10:24
Yeah, I'm a little afraid to I'm diving back into because I kind of skimmed it and I just loved the name of it. They emergent strategy emergent strategy with Adrienne Marie Brown. Oh, yeah.

Alison Cebulla 10:36
I started pleasure activism.

Anne Sherry 10:38
Okay, do emergent strategies before that one. Okay. It is. I'm highlighting the whole fucking book. Like it's just everything in there. I'm like, Oh, yes, yes. Yes. I mean, she's really speaking to kind of how it feels like how long it takes to unfold and be aware of the small movements that we are connecting to each other. And I even went to somewhere I'm gonna go a little religious on us right now. Like, like, I can't I don't know enough about Christianity, but something about the second coming of Christ might look like each each person trusting their own waking up, like

Alison Cebulla 11:25
what are you trying to do on this podcast? Hang out with me.

Anne Sherry 11:30
Like cuz the first one, I guess? It killed them a fucker. Right? He brought some really good was a lot of good messages. But I think it's got to get diffused. That's what it feels like. It's like the wisdom that feels true to me is take your time. You have your own truth. And you and I are going to talk a little bit more about this in another one. All these people are like, no, no, no, I've got the way and then Oprah deems them the way. I think that's fucking shit. I think it's dangerous. I think it's like anytime you hear no, follow these steps. I can have you enlightened in 40 days and

Alison Cebulla 12:06
smell your own farts.

Anne Sherry 12:07
Take a break. Smell your own farts? Yeah, completely. Yep, one of life's greatest really needs to be stated. Thank you. So if you're not telling your own hearts, you run away from your own farts just get curious about that.

Alison Cebulla 12:27
What is it? Oh my god. Well, so we're gonna do a short intro this morning. Because, um, the episode is is great. We've got a great one was Tyler to my yes and and true to her Enneagram

Anne Sherry 12:44
seven. checking this out, I might be a two with a one wing people stick

Alison Cebulla 12:48
you might you might be a seven. Which is the which is that for those of you who don't know what Enneagram is, it's a it's not really personality, per se. But it's sort of like nine types of ways that motivate you to show up in your life which I'm not feeling any any of the ways to be motivated. That's a whole nother episode. We'll come back. I'm like, just at the bottom of my motivation to do literally anything. But

Anne Sherry 13:10
I'm just gonna lay down on the ground and Earth earth your body. I'm gonna I'm just gonna lay we didn't do that. We were like neck it out on the grass up in the mountains. That's great.

Alison Cebulla 13:20
That is gonna wait but let me let me finish defining my term which is any gram seven likes to take on a lot of things. They can't say no to any of the things that they want to do it all all the time. They're known for starting lots and lots and lots of projects.

Anne Sherry 13:35
So I am fitting in this intro. Right? At the I'm actually not at another thing I'm supposed to be at and doing this intro but it could be any time of the day right overnight. Go to your other thing I will body man thing of a do Bob and body military. Yeah, whatever therapy

Alison Cebulla 13:54
Yeah, you're young gonna become a better therapist or something or a new skill of a therapist.

Anne Sherry 13:59
I'm Emily come a therapist who knows a lot less. I think that's what needs to happen. Trust people tell people you trust people. I trust you. I know some things. And I trust your divine unfolding, or your unfolding as a human. So

Alison Cebulla 14:14
okay, we do a whole episode on trust because that is complicated.

Anne Sherry 14:19
It is it's actually really fucking simple. But it's

Alison Cebulla 14:22
Well not if you have trauma. I mean, like for me after I was sexually assaulted. I don't trust anybody. I don't trust anybody. You know,

Anne Sherry 14:31
don't trust people. Trust but be curious about that. What is it? How did my trust get so wackadoodle and it may take it may take I think it takes generations to work this shit out. I think we're starting to see that. So I just as people are starting to wake up, it makes me nervous a bit. All the gurus that are showing up or whatever we're supposed to call I keep hearing on good spirituality and all these podcasts like I'm not calling somebody a cold. So robucket Sue me like, are we covered? Because we call? A lot of stuff? A lot of things.

Alison Cebulla 15:05
I have no idea. We're not popular enough to get sued yet or no. Okay, good. I don't know. We're not calling

Anne Sherry 15:11
anybody anything. We're just sort of witnessing stuff.

Alison Cebulla 15:15
I have no idea what

Anne Sherry 15:17
Yeah, I want to do something on trust. I got a figured out a few things about it and 2530 years of therapy.

Alison Cebulla 15:25
So we'll do another one on trust.

Anne Sherry 15:27
Right. All right.

Alison Cebulla 15:31
Here's Tyler to mine. But you know. Hey, this is a quick note from Allison before we transition into the interview about this supposed study that someone from ANZ goddess circle brought up about farts, because I just want to make sure that I circle back and that we're not promoting any weird stuff on this podcast, I was able to find a dissertation written by Sierra Deemer at the University of Georgia, it was actually published in 2020. And the dissertation is called read this for your health examining miscommunications between science journalism and mass media through mistaken cancer cure study. So it appears that Sierra has done an entire dissertation on how the fart article was kind of a massive misstep in science communication. So just a little bit of her dissertation here. On July 11, of 2014. Time published an article titled ridiculous study of the day says smelling farts might prevent cancer as a featured story on their websites news feeds section. The article made the soon to be infamous claim that that new scientific research came out stating that yes, quote, smelling farts could actually prevent cancer among other diseases. The problem, not only does the original journal article not focus on cancer treatments, then text never even mentions cancer. So other than opening the door for a long stream of unfortunate jokes, the time piece was a severe mis interpretation of almost all aspects of the original study. So let's see, unlike Times article reports, the focus of the research was on testing mitochondrial function in health and disease. And the research suggests that using a compound called ap 39, to release very small doses of hydrogen sulfide into targeted mitochondria may benefit self cell health. So this is something as a and that was all from Sierra Diemer. Part of this dissertation. I talk about that a lot. And, you know, it's super important to always verify health claims. And, you know, maybe we can do an episode on that in the future is how to verify health claims, and how to evaluate studies. But smelling your own farts doesn't cure anything. And this was a big a big health debacle in 2014. And that article has been pulled from Time magazine. So here's the interview thanks

all right, we are here with my good friend Tyler to my who is okay, Tyler. Help me out. You have so many letters at the end of your name now What even are they?

Tyler Tamai 18:44
So it's so stupid. Literally. Like I paid several $100 Just to add on another three letters. It doesn't like actually change the person that I am. I thought it might but I was wrong. Wait $100 No, it was like three or between two and 3000

Anne Sherry 19:06
there were expensive letters 133.

Tyler Tamai 19:10
So it my like professional signatures would be like Tyler to my BSN RN phn not necessarily in that order.

Alison Cebulla 19:19
Okay, so eight letters bachelor's in nursing registered nurse Public Health Nurse. Yes, yes. You

Anne Sherry 19:26
know what, I just want it from a perspective. I own it. You probably worked pretty hard for all that work Damn.

Alison Cebulla 19:35
About i.

Anne Sherry 19:37
So letters are fine. They are fine and good.

Tyler Tamai 19:41
Yes. Yes. So like in like the health care world. It's kind of like a joke. And I've seen memes that were like, like, low key discouraging for me, because it's like, yeah, man. Nobody fucking flashes a bachelor's degree as much as a nurse who has a bachelor's in nursing. Like don't forget that. PSM. It's like I have no like, it doesn't increase my scope of practice or anything. It just meant that I spent like 10s of 1000s. dollars more, right? Oh, yeah,

Anne Sherry 20:08
everything is an incredibly hard field. i We have a right here. The studying for it. I had several clients that were going through nursing school at the community college and I have, I was like, what, how many books do you have? How much are you studying? How intense is this program? Like? I'm gonna tell you the Counseling Program degree is fuckin cake. It is so cake.

Alison Cebulla 20:37
Yeah, it's like three years.

Anne Sherry 20:39
It's two years. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, I What?

Tyler Tamai 20:46
What is the degree for that? Like a LMFT? year

Anne Sherry 20:49
master? Well, a Master's in Counseling or Bachelor? Masters of Science? I don't know. I found it pretty cake. It's really hard to prepare you. I mean, you get good stuff. Maybe it's because I'm an older student too. I was like, dude. 20 years of fucking life. And 20 years of therapy. I've already paid $45,000 in therapy. So I think you're right. Yeah, I don't feel sorry, sir. Oh, I love it. I'm gonna add that so far, so far. So

Alison Cebulla 21:24
even though I'm like, are we on a tangent, we're right on track because it gets back out. We Okay, I'm gonna bring us all back. So, um, we were talking about I wanted to reach out to my good friend Tyler because, um, and and I have a show have joked about my, I came to live with her right after I went to rehab for meth addiction. And I'm, and Tyler is someone who has also experienced addiction. So I reached out to ask if he'd be willing to talk about it. And also, he's someone just like me, who did a full full recovery. And I kind of am wanting to combat some of the stigma around addiction. Because it's extremely possible to recover and live a full, successful life. And I'm really proud of my friend Tyler, you know, for recently graduating with his bachelor's and he's now starting his nursing

Anne Sherry 22:23
and signo.

Alison Cebulla 22:26
Yeah. And, um, and so, yeah, so I want it I want to Tyler I wanted to bring him on to talk about you know, we we, to start off we'll ask you are you know, regular question, were you a latchkey kid, and then, you know, we want to kind of learn about what are the what are the latchkey and emotional neglect issues that are related to addiction. And and this is something that Anna and I have talked about, because Anna and I both feel like we got a late start in life and so have some of our other podcast guests. I started my current career at like, 35 and you started yours at 4040, though, you know, kind of some of those issues related to childhood emotional neglect other other childhood trauma, addiction, you know, finding your career maybe a little quote unquote, later, or maybe that's a millennial thing, or maybe that's just a life thing. But these are, yeah, so

Anne Sherry 23:19
long and winding road. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah,

Tyler Tamai 23:24
it is. Yeah, for sure. So were you so answer all those questions? Ready? Go.

Anne Sherry 23:28
Ready? Don't worry, Tyler will interrupt you planning? Yeah. Too much.

Tyler Tamai 23:39
Yeah, um, you know, it's really funny. I was talking to, I don't know a group of adults. I don't know who they were. Are they my friends? Were they just strangers? It could have been and they were like, they know me. They know who I am. And they're like, they were talking about latchkey kids, or I was talking about your guys podcast because it's really neat. And wait, no, no. So they started the conversation talking about like, hey, yeah, latchkey kids, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they like, all at once. Like these four people who were talking about it looked at me and they're like, right, Tyler. And like, they have no idea what my childhood was like. They had no clue I've never told them. Yeah, and they just assumed and assumed correctly, but I just didn't realize that I had like this outward air of like, Yeah, you look like somebody who didn't have

Anne Sherry 24:32
all yourselves latchkey kid.

Alison Cebulla 24:34
Yeah. Tell us more about that. What is it that you do that that says latchkey to people?

Tyler Tamai 24:41
Um, I don't I probably I don't know maybe like they're they're just like have like a good like handle on their emotions and I'm just constantly detached or dysregulated like that's my base and and they're like, some fucking happen to that dude. I don't know. It's possible. I didn't really ask them. I just said like, Dan, that's so interesting, because and then I pitched your guys show. Thank you.

Anne Sherry 25:05
Thank you. The word often. So would you would you call yourself a compartmental? Laser or a number or an associate? Associate?

Tyler Tamai 25:17
An escape artist?

Anne Sherry 25:18
Yeah. That's all you get from that.

Alison Cebulla 25:23
What does that mean? That says like, did you have a regular childhood? Or are you

Anne Sherry 25:27
are you funny? healthy childhood?

Alison Cebulla 25:29
Or are you? Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. So

Anne Sherry 25:32
another benefit? Yes. Yeah. You, Tyler.

Tyler Tamai 25:35
I was just talking about this. This morning. I was like, Man, I'm pretty sure that having just like, like, at least minimum low levels of anxiety all the time, makes somebody a way funnier person, because I walk out of a conversation and immediately start like a hating myself. Yeah. And be thinking about all the things I could have said. And like, Man, I would be so much more funny. If I had said this. Or if I was just a better person overall. You're a material

Anne Sherry 26:02
all the time. Right? Yeah. All the time. So

Tyler Tamai 26:05
anxiety is good for that. Yes,

Anne Sherry 26:10
it is. Yeah, you have to do anything with that pervasive, I don't belong, like I have. All right. It's pervasive. I was saying to Tom the other day, I was like, Do you because he has it too. When you go pick up August or nine year old from a friend's house or something? I am on high alert. Like, I don't know if the parents of the kid like us or not. I'm like, Todd, it will change every week. I'm like, I don't think they like us very much. I could really tell that they wanted us to buggy out of there. And poor August gets all this like shit from that because I'm like August Get your fucking shoes right now. Get your shoes, right

do you you know, sit down. What do you guys up to? I'm like, oh my god, what is this? Do I belong? I think I might block time. I was like, Tom, I think they liked me. Now, you know, next week is something different. So it's like,

Tyler Tamai 27:04
yeah, my kids, friends, parents, it's like the worst possible social interactions. And like, if ever there's an interaction, like outside of, you know, I don't know, like going to court. Like that's the one that is going to be the most anxiety inducing. Because it's like, yeah, what did he do? I'm sorry. Like, I'm responsible for not just my own stupid actions, but this hilarious kids to make an off color remark. Like you definitely did. Exactly. Like you. You did. Tyler Yeah. i How many kids? No, two kids. Right. So So I would, I would definitely say that. Like I qualify as a latchkey kid. It was like a late start for me. Like my parents were fairly normal and like, like, you're not normal, but tried to maintain like this Leave It to Beaver kind of shit for a long time. And then once they got divorced, though, it was like, Oh, that luck to everybody. We're all gonna do our own thing. Right? Yeah. And so yeah, there was a lot of, like, both of my parents had to figure out how to be parents. And, but it was like, we were already you know, alive, like 10 or so. So, can I jump in learning process for everybody? Yeah, cuz

Alison Cebulla 28:28
I personally know both your parents and and they're great. No, they are. But like, it's so important to have compassion. When we talk about these this stuff. It's tough because this came up in, in Episode 10. That it's like we don't, you know, we don't want to throw our parents under the bus. It's like not about that. Like we and you're one of the most compassionate people I know, Tyler to like what your parents have experienced. Um, but like you and I have talked about, especially this year, Tyler, like racial trauma. And the fact that in your dad's side of the family, they experienced Japanese internment camps in California. That's a that's a big trauma that you're that you experience just because that stress passes down, right through the generation. Your dad, that and then you inherited that.

Tyler Tamai 29:18
Yeah. Yeah. And I think like, there, there's like a weird, I don't want to say weird. So my grandfather, like, it's hard to tell how much he was just like, stoic like this, you know, rigid Japanese man stoic, or how much of it was like, disconnected or had emotional trauma that was just like creating this in him? It's like, I don't know, I'll never know. But, you know, my dad certainly picked up some of that and like I see it when I'm when I'm, you know, being a dad to my kids to like that. I kind of like default to this like, like stoic or like disciplinary and thing which is like Yeah, you know, I walk out after, you know, disciplining my child, and I just fucking hate myself. But yeah, it's just stuff that I like, you know, like I picked up on and it's not like I'm, you know, I'm just like, sometimes I'm more stern than I ever would ever want to be. But a lot of it's to is like, you know, my own stuff like how I would treat my own self as a child, you know, and like, when I see my son doing the stuff that I did, and I know of like long term consequences or feeling silly, you know, like, there's still there's always work for me to do on like, healing, that like childhood stuff that I carry around. And like, sometimes I find out because I see my son do something. And like, it hurts me, because I remember doing something similar. And so I react in a way that it's not about him at that point. Yeah, yeah. So like, I'm like, Don't fucking do it. You know, I remember doing it and it was awful.

Anne Sherry 30:59
So from parts perspective, I mean, that's that kind of internal family systems work I do. When we trace that down, it actually generally comes from a good place. You know, I don't want my kid perhaps to suffer the way that I suffered. So I really want to make sure that they don't go down that path. So if we come at often, we'll come at it from like, an intense place. But if you look a little deeper, it's really like, comes from a great place.

Alison Cebulla 31:26
But don't you think and like, that's where some of our stuff our issues can come from? Is when our parents kind of overcompensate like over a rash? Sure, you know, for

Anne Sherry 31:36
sure. Yeah. I mean, I finally I think I was thinking about this today. I'm like, God, Dang, this podcast is like creating real time healing and shift. Like, in my own life, I'm like, you know, I have this thing of like, well, I started this person static but and then I have to stay that person. I'm like, Man, shit is just unfolding. And Allison is introducing me to these podcasts about how fucked up our system is. Yeah, I'm just like, coming apart when I listen to that multi level marketing piece. But yeah, and also, it's, it's it is, I'm having much deeper, I'm finding deeper and deeper, I've been working on the mom shit for parent ship for a long time, but just lots more compassion is the more that I understand the system. And how it churns up people, families, communities, neighborhoods keeps us divided and apart. I'm like, Ah, no one has a chance. Of course, we're emotionally neglected. And if and we do need to work on that stuff, but work in our communities come back work on your stuff work in our communities. Just lots of curiosity. And I do think we're, this type of work is bringing a lot of killer awareness and I really do believe we're gonna fuckin bust up this totally. Yeah,

Tyler Tamai 32:56
totally. I like any kind of awareness that like we like, as a people as like a society can come into about, like, the stuff that we pass on to our kids when it involves either trauma or whatever emotional stuff like it just you know, is better odds for the next generation, you know? Yeah. Especially if if it's not just a diagnostic thing, but it's something that we're all working on collectively, you know, so I want to get man feel so good. I got it. We got to do it. We're doing it we're currently doing it Tyler I was like that's like textbook shit that cold people say though it is.

Anne Sherry 33:43
Yeah, we might be a cold. We might. I don't know. Backwards. Backwards to look.

Tyler Tamai 33:51
This is just like, it's like the multilevel marketing thing like well, we're not a cold because cold. Illegal. Illegal. Yeah, it's not a pyramid scheme.

Anne Sherry 34:03
Yeah, just the podcast. Tones playing underneath.

Tyler Tamai 34:07
You play me have matching

Alison Cebulla 34:11
messages. Okay. Tyler, okay. All right. Yeah, Tyler, I'm dying to know how you already told me that your meal of choice your latchkey meal of choice was was ramen. And we must know. How did you eat your ramen?

Tyler Tamai 34:28
Okay, so I wasn't a dry eye. Yeah, I get it. I did the dry thing, but that is not my preferred method. Man tell us Yeah, and nor have I ever stopped eating ramen and

Anne Sherry 34:42
you get that shit. I

Tyler Tamai 34:42
still eat it.

Anne Sherry 34:43
I'm like, Yes, his inbox

Tyler Tamai 34:46
i I remember making like when I got like my first job. I made the joke like I will. I can afford so much ramen right now that I will die of malnutrition before I can finish it. But it's crazy. And I was like so proud of myself.

Anne Sherry 35:04
Waiver packet will at least give you some salt. I think we do need salt. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. That's yeah, yeah. Yeah. In

Tyler Tamai 35:12
Salt ministry that's all you get. Yeah, you'll die. You're gonna die. So So ramen was big and

Anne Sherry 35:20
just straight before I just went

Tyler Tamai 35:22
straight? Yeah, so there was a long time it was just straight and then I don't remember like where along the line it was like, Oh, I could put, you know, you can put whatever the fuck you want and ramen? It's not really it's it's pretty hard to mess up that kind of along

Anne Sherry 35:36
with smoking pot. I mean at that time like once you started

Alison Cebulla 35:40
doing a great question. Yeah,

Anne Sherry 35:43
that's a really good question with our ramen once we started getting high, right

Tyler Tamai 35:47
I definitely did. So I would definitely say that marijuana did encourage food experimentation for sure. You find out really quick like what exactly? Yeah, what exactly can you turn into a burrito? And the answer is everything and you have a tortilla? Yeah, what can you pin Robin? Real Milk? Yes, totally. Yeah, if you like Yeah. Oh, that's a breakfast burrito. Not a big deal. You just oatmeal and raisins. Wrap it up in a tortilla. Oatmeal on the go to finally, you know, a professional man on the go. That's right. Yeah. I think now okay. I don't know. Like there's so many variations and a lot of the experiments went wrong, but I still ate it because you don't throw away food ever. Good point. sucks sometimes, but I eat a lot of shit that I was like, God, this sucks. I hate this. I made this for myself. Here totally punishing myself. I'm

Anne Sherry 36:47
will pull. I'm not out him right now. But like I have this sort of. I don't know. Somehow I got a buddy and I like throw away stuff or put it in the compost. I'm like, Well, I'm just it's an offering to the earth. That motherfucker will pull shit out of the compost. That's not old. Apple doing in here. I have to edit that out.

Tyler Tamai 37:10
I'm totally guilty. I'm guilty of it. I do it to

Anne Sherry 37:13
more people do it. Then you think Allison? Yeah.

Tyler Tamai 37:17
And I do. I do the like, I have a four year old daughter. So I definitely hold over the trash can and eat the rest of her food. Like there's macaroni. On a plate somewhere. Yeah, shameful. I do. I don't care. I'm not throwing it away. Yeah. Today, I did not survive this long. Throwing away. You know, weird slavery. Macaroni and cheese.

Anne Sherry 37:42
No, I've got to leave her any and cheese with a kid too. I'm like, this shit is so good. Yeah,

Alison Cebulla 37:48
okay. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Okay, we got to let them Okay. Gosh, you're you're gearing up to tell us your ideal ramen. And then give us give us like what was? What was you? Were you were telling me like, You got to tell the oven story. How the fuck did you break your oven door? Okay, wait, look. GirIs How was your childhood? Memory? Has What was that childhood environment? How did that lead to the So Tyler and I we went to middle school together. And we were Yeah. And then you know, how did that lead to your high school experience which led to your young adult experience, which was somewhat chaotic and not, you know, super productive and you know, give it Yeah, give us the synopsis. Okay.

Tyler Tamai 38:33
All right. So like I said, My parents divorced when I was like, maybe fourth or fifth grade. And that's where like, things started to get weird. That's weird. Like, like, I was still fairly young. And so like, the latchkey thing wasn't that much. Like, I still had fairly regular supervision. Yeah. My brother and I, my brother was a year and a half older than me. So we were just kind of like, you guys are together, like go out in the neighborhood do as thou wilt, and then return, you know, but I think like Junior High was where when I met you was like, the beginning of things getting pretty, like, pretty weird. Yeah, cuz I lived in like, the downtown area. It's a small beach town, you know, so it wasn't like, there isn't like a hood necessarily, but it's not like really great either.

Alison Cebulla 39:23
It's sketchy. sketchy. Yeah, okay.

Tyler Tamai 39:27
Yeah, it's pretty sketchy. But that was like, school started early. And like ended later or my parents were working or they were doing whatever the fuck they were doing. And so we were just it was my brother and I were on our own with like, yeah, get to school. Come back. I'll probably be here for dinner. If not, there will be a note. Like that was it and dude, I remember my mom had moved at some point away from like foreign stuff where we couldn't just ride our skateboards or walk or whatever it was school. And I just had to figure it out. Like, it wasn't like, this is the bus that you take or anything like that they didn't tell me. I remember getting a ride from her then boyfriend. Oh, I wanted to bring this up because the time change just happened. And this was like, it was like this time of year because it was like, whatever it was dark in the morning, I had to go ride super early with her boyfriend. If I wanted to ride that was the chance I had. Yeah. And so I remember being at the gate of the school. Yeah, it was like, pre 6am Because I didn't want to have to walk that far or skate that far. Because sucked. And it was cold in the morning. And so I sat outside of the chain link fence, just like sat there for like an hour waiting for the janitor to show up to let me in and like so I could sit on the other side of the other side. chain link fence. Yeah, until a teacher showed up another hour later. And I could go into a classroom and like maybe sleep for 30 minutes before class. And that was like a recurring those, like a recurring theme for me. And where I was like, my parents lived too far for me to do something to get to school. So I had to just figure shit out. I think I may have mentioned you guys before, like the, like I wrote the like public transit. Like, again, I had to leave the house at like 530 Figure out the bus to get on and then ride it to like the transit area where all the public buses go. And then get on a different one and then go this is still Junior High.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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Episode 10: Empty Toolbox—with guest Alicia A. Armstrong